Photo Credit: JeffMaysh (Creative Commons)
Note: The past several weeks have been about straight-up stress management: the stress response, diaphragmatic breathing, stress pride, progressive muscle relaxation, and sleep hygiene. Now, the focus will shift toward using mindfulness and energy practices to be more present and fulfilled in your daily life – now and forever.
What Are You Allowing Into Your Space?
I wrote a few weeks ago about Bad Apples – those people who contage others with their negativity. We’ve probably all been one at some time or another.
Today’s post is about the other side: what you choose to take in.
Lots of us unconsciously (or even consciously) take in lots of other people’s garbage – their opinions, judgments, negativity, etc., and it wreaks havoc with our sense of well-being.
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This is especially true if you’re sensitive and empathic – and also when you’re stressed, down, or overwhelmed.
A complaining stranger deflates your good mood.
A colleague makes a snide remark that you take in – and take personally.
A friend relieves his own angst by emotionally vomiting all over you, and you’re covered in it all day.
Hours – or sometimes even days – later, you’re still bothered. You go over it in your mind, stew in a foul mood, and/or feel bad about yourself. It’s hard to get rid of it.
The reality: You rolled out the red carpet and welcomed this into your space, whether you did so consciously or not.
The good news: By being observant and intentional, you can change that.
Photo Credit: Jane Starz (Creative Commons)
Your Energy Field Is an Elite Space
Think of your energy field as a bubble around you. Your own personal space, with you 24/7.
You’re likely aware of this boundary whether you’ve ever thought of it consciously or not.
We can sense – even with our eyes closed – when someone’s too close physically, even if they’re not actually touching our body. We refer to it as ‘violating’ our personal space because it does feel like an intrusion.
Similarly, we can let negative energy – words, emotions, moods, or other unwanted ickiness – ruin our energy field’s atmosphere, sometimes so much so that it feels heavy, thick, and toxic.
If you want to your energy field to be a VIP space, you must be very choosy about what’s allowed inside and who is on the guest list.
You have to be your own bouncer.
Energy Field Bouncer
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As your energy field’s official bouncer, you can drop the velvet rope and welcome guests like peace, beauty, fun, silliness, love, and laughter.
When something looks like it’s gonna ruin your vibe, however, deny it entry into your energy field. If something does sneak in, find it, calmly toss it over your shoulder, and haul it to the curb so the good times can continue.
All is takes is regular attention, intention, and a little practice.
How to Make Your Energy Field a VIP Space
Prepare your field every morning, filling it with only the best quality energy – and periodically check to make sure it stays that way. It just takes a few minutes and can profoundly change your day.
- Start slow, easy, diaphragmatic breathing. Do this throughout the exercise.
- As you breathe, sense your energy within you and the field around you. Feel (or imagine – that’s fine) it extending 6-12 inches beyond your physical body.
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- Visualize breathing in pure, bright, clean energy through your nose, sweeping up and around your skull, washing your brain and exhaling any worries, stress, and other unwanted thoughts as they drain out of your field.
- Move throughout your body one area at a time, inhaling that bright energy into your shoulders, arms, chest, belly, pelvis, legs, and feet – and exhaling out any stale, stuck, or negative energy.
- Once you’ve gone through your body, do the field around you the same way, sending bright, pure energy in the area all around you and exhaling out anything that you want to let go. Imagine yourself sitting in the middle of this bubble. Feel its boundary and imagine it sparkling with only the best-quality energy.
- When your thoughts wander, gently bring them back to the breath.
- Continue to breathe, enjoying this feeling of lightness all around you.
- Set an intention to keep your field bright by maintaining awareness throughout the day.
- Scan again at different points in your day and use your breath to clean it up and brighten it as needed.
- Do a final scan at bedtime to clear your field and prepare for high-quality sleep.
With regular practice, this will become a habit. Your field will gradually become stronger and clearer, making it much easier to welcome the good and send the unwanted stuff back.
Keeping Your Energy Field Clear
If you feel something get in, even if you didn’t catch it right away, ask yourself “Do I want to keep this?”
Photo Credit: Jing Jing Jing (Creative Commons)
If the answer is no, kick it to the curb politely but forcefully, using your breath to clear it.
If it’s stuck, find the place in your body where you feel it, gather it up with a few inhales, and then forcefully exhale it out. Shake it off, stomp your feet, make some noise to move it – do whatever feels like it moves that energy out of your physical body and field. Visualize the unwanted energy leaving, draining from you.
You may need to repeat this process more than once, as this stuff sometimes needs more help finding the exit. That’s fine.
Last – and importantly, breathe in pure, high-quality energy, replacing the crap with what you do want so that once again, your energy field is VIP-only.
When your energy field is clear, you can decide if a conversation or other intervention would be helpful to address the situation. You may also opt to journal, talk with a friend, or process what happened in some other way to release any lingering emotion or connection to it.
Imagine if everyone took care of their energy field this way…
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What have you experienced with regard to your energy field?
How do you maintain it? What happens when something tries – or does – get in?
I’d love to hear about your bouncer experiences, so please share them in the comments section below. And as always, if you like this post, I’d appreciate your ‘liking’ it – and sharing it with others. Thanks!
I think this will come in very handy at family gatherings around the holidays! I need to not only get better at blocking other people’s energy from infecting my own – but also being continually aware of the energy I’m bringing into rooms, conversations, etc!
Ah, yes – family time is a huge one for this. I think that because we are so used to family – particularly parents – being ‘in our business’, we feel like they have a right to be there. But they don’t. That’s still our own choice about who we allow in and how far in they’re allowed to be. The holidays are a big opportunity (and I’m using ‘opportunity’ in the same way my grad school adviser used to – in the ‘this will likely suck, but you’ll learn something and be stronger because of it’ sort of way) to work on this.
And it is important to check what you bring to the party as well, that’s for sure. The good nes is that breathing, being present, and staying ‘in your own business’ – as you know and practice far better than I ever could – helps on all fronts. 🙂
Fascinating way to view and take control of energy-zappers, Mary Beth. Incredible timing – the ladies in one of my mastermind groups brought this exact idea up on our biz call last night. One uses a bubble like you described, another imagines a colour aura around her and another zips herself up to block negativity as she leaves the door. I like the idea of a bubble of my favourite colour so will give this a try.
That sounds great, Kristy – I love it that you’re all approaching this in different ways. It’ll be interesting to see how they work. When you mention your friend zipping up and blocking, the one caution is that sometimes this stance and put us in a protective mode where we don’t allow much of anything in. There are times when this is completely the right thing to do (I’m reminded of a toxic workplace I was once in), but I think it’s important to keep checking in to make sure you’re still open enough to see and let in the good stuff, if that makes sense. You never know when an unexpected interaction could be truly fulfilling.
If you think of it, pop back and let me know how it goes! 🙂
Like the others the timing of this post is perfect! But again it would be any time of the year. The idea of a bouncer bouncing around in my head for some reason seems to feel right to me. Thank you for this post and I am certainly going to continue to work on this to keep the negativity out.
I’m glad it’s helpful, Kendra. I like the bouncer analogy because a bouncer keeps the crap out but allows the good stuff in. Good luck! 🙂
I LOVE THIS POST! A bouncer for my VIP-Only Energy Field. I have never heard it put this way. This is so helpful to remember. It is a great practice to do this at night just before bed so one can reset and rest peacefully. Do you have any suggestions for when you are right in the middle of a conversation that went sour unexpectedly? I know, I have learned to defuse some unhealthy energy by being an observer instead of a participant. I can then allow them to vent and ask them questions to get them to the side of something calmer and a release. From here we can prevent an amygdala hijack and hopefully the person can move on with their day feeling as if they got something much needed of their chest. Great Article! Thank you. Tweeted it out. 🙂
Thanks, so much, Connie – I’m so glad you enjoyed it!
Your stance of being an observer rather than a participant is a huge step. The more you practice that, the better you’ll be able to in tough moments. The other thing is to get very present by focusing all of your attention on your breath or on noticing what’s happening in your body. That can give you the space to not immediately react – even one second can help with this. Then you can decide how to react, which may include brightening up your field – or immediately responding to the person you’re talking with. Afterwards, clear them from your field if you feel like they got to you. Exhale it out and physically move it if you have to. Then brighten your field so you’re not carrying the exchange with you. Let me know how it goes. 🙂
ahaha I absolutely love the image of having an ‘energy bouncer’. This is a fantastic article- it reminds me of the quote “You are responsible for the energy you bring into this space”. I really appreciate the ‘energy VIP’ steps- I’m going to remember to maintain awareness throughout the day! Going to use this practice 🙂 Thank you!
Thanks, Kate! I love that quote – I think it should be posted in every conference room, mall, DMV – heck, in every public place in the world! So many of us forget that we’re the ones who bring the negativity or resistance to the party ourselves. That’s before we’ve even thought about what we’re letting in from the outside. It’s great to check that frequently. I may have to post that quote in my spaces as a start. 🙂
YEAH! What a great visual I get imagining the velvet rope and myself as a bouncer. Man that makes me feel tough – invincible even.
I have been aware of, and consciously creating my energy VIP space for a few years now. I still find at times that my old habits creep in. I have spent many a “less than happy” moment re-living the unhappy conversation or the snide comment made by another and letting it camp out in my space for way too long. I am really getting good at finding and replacing those grey murky energies but the bouncer visual is gonna make that part WAY more fun, (and that will give me WAY less opportunity to be tough on myself for letting it in to begin with)
Love it, Kate! As someone who’s been working for decades on letting this go, I really resonate with what you’re saying here about reliving things and letting them camp out. I’ve found energy work to be very helpful for this – otherwise, my left brain / ego will chew on it indefinitely (it loves that stuff!). With energy, it’s just about releasing it, not working through it. I like the idea too of a big guy simply shaking his head no and moving things out. Simple, no-nonsense, and no discussion. 🙂