Photo Credit: litlnemo, Creative Commons

The Right Stuff

Gift registries used to be solely the domain of weddings and babies. The happy couple – or expectant parent(s) – decides what they need, scans bar codes, and boom!  Everyone knows exactly what to buy.  It’s as easy as picking tapas off a menu.

As a non-mind reader who frequently crumples under the pressure of finding the right gift, I really appreciate registries.

Photo Credit: the queen of subtle, Creative Commons

You tell me clearly what you want (and where to get it), and I will give you the perfect gift.  Every time.

These registries have two limitations, however.  They’re only for a few occasions, and they’re all about stuff.

What happens when someone needs other kinds of help?

Registries for People with Serious Illnesses

In recent years, organizations like CaringBridge and Lotsa Helping Hands have broadened the registry concept to support people with serious illness and their caregivers.

I LOVE this.

These registries are about the right help at the right time.

Recipients can list stuff (lotsa lasagnas have passed through helping hands), but more often they list services like a ride, childcare, companionship, research, or errands.  The sick person can then focus on what’s important: his/her care and healing.

When my good friend had cancer, we were able to sign up for all sorts of things.  I could have a family dinner delivered or the house cleaned – even though I lived 8,000 miles away.

All of this tremendously aided in her recovery, and we were grateful to know how to be of greatest support.  (Plus, she didn’t end up with a big stockpile of lasagnas in the freezer.  People love to give lasagnas.)

This kind of help can transform your life.  Literally.

Blowing the Lid off Registries, Tapas Living Style

Photo Credit: fromcolettewithlove (Creative Commons)

Cancer isn’t the only time we’d benefit from deliberate, sustained support and experiences.

The registries concept could improve lots of life situations.

More broadly, they could be called Help Registries.

A Help Registry is an incredibly powerful way to begin (or continue) Tapas Living.  You get small bites of support and can explore new experiences to get back to living fully.

Help Registries fall into three general categories:

1. Challenge: Get help dealing with difficulties and crises like depression, break-ups, grief, moving, becoming new parents, or kids leaving home.
2. Create:  Begin practicing a new way of life, one where you explore new experiences, activities, travel, and adventure.  This can also be the second phase after getting through a challenge.
   
3. Celebrate:  Honor a special occasion, like a birthday.  My friend Nancy identified 20 events that she wanted to enjoy for Birthday Month and invited friends.  I joined her for a Contemporary Art Museum lunch, a sunset beach walk, and of course, her big birthday bash.  All were awesome.

The concept is simple:

You create the menu of support and/or experiences you’d like, that are most important to you.

Your peeps order and give you something from that menu, knowing they’re fulfilling a genuine need or desire.

Three Steps to Create a Help Registry

If you (or someone you know) needs to get through a challenge, create a new way of life, or celebrate something special, it’s time to register.

1.  Develop Your Menu

• Clarify intention.  If your registry is to help you with a challenge or to change your way of life, identify how you want your life to be different.  Be specific, as it’ll help you figure out how to get there.
• Identify desires.  What help do you need to get there?  Think about both what a person could do with you, as well as for you.
• Enlist others.  Sometimes it’s difficult to know exactly what would help, so brainstorm ideas with a friend if you need to.
  

  Photo Credit: Brian J. Bruemmer (Creative Commons)

2.  Ask People to Sign Up

• Prepare your request.  Tell your friends what’s happening in your life and why you’re asking for their help.
• Emphasize that this registry is for support, experiences, and adventures – no gift wrap necessary.
• Invite people to sign up for anything they want – or tailor your requests if you want to do specific things with specific people.
• Schedule the activity right away to minimize back-and-forth and ball-dropping.

3.   Begin Tapas Living, with Friends

• Do the activities and experiences on your menu.
• Repeat ones you find most helpful – with the same or different people.
• Thank your supporters – and find opportunities to return the favor.

Photo Credit: deeplifequotes (Creative Commons)

That’s it!

It is a courageous, empowering act to identify what you need and ask for it, and it’s incredibly gratifying when your people truly show up for you.

These small bites of support contribute greatly to a big life.

Win-WIN.

[Because divorce (or a break-up) is often a time when people need a lot of support and activities that bring them back to themselves, my next post will focus on using a Divorce Registry to move through the process and live fully again.]

What are your thoughts about Help Registries?

When could you have used this kind of support in the past – or might in the future?

How could you use this to honor and celebrate something special in your life?

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