Photo Credit: – bjornsphoto -, Creative Commons

One Bad Apple Spoils the Whole Bunch.

There’s a reason that this saying has survived for so long.

It’s true – for apples and for people.

Research shows that negativity is infectious and leads to rotting of moods, well-being, physical health, and relationships.

A 2010 New York Times article found that one Bad Apple in the workplace can bring down an entire group.  “…Group members devote more energy to dealing with the bad apple and less energy to the task at hand. Moreover, anger and hostility are contagious, so the whole group can become infected.”

No Assholes Rule – Bob Sutton

The widespread popularity of Bob Sutton’s blog and resonance of his book, The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t clearly shows that lots of people are struggling with Bad Apples at work.

The costs?  People are damaged, strong employees leave, sick days increase, and productivity, work quality, and contribution suffer.

Simply put, misery likes company.  If Bad Apples don’t find other Bad Apples, they’ll simply rot some good ones.

Bad Apple: Trait or State?

The whole bunch, spoiled.
Photo Credit: fortinbras (Creative Commons)

These findings can seem depressing.

It’s no fun to encounter one Bad Apple, let alone be surrounded by them.

But let’s stop for a moment and make a distinction: Bad Apple as a trait versus a state.  The difference is a critical one.

Some Bad Apples are chronically nasty.  They  bullied, tormented, and manipulated back on the playground and have continued throughout their life.

In this case, Bad Appleness is a trait.  Traits endure across time and situations.  They become part of one’s character.  When trait-based Bad Apples see an opportunity for advantage or feel like their ego is being threatened, they will behave… well, like an asshole.

Simply put, being a Bad Apple is in their nature.  Without massive effort, these people belong in the ‘once an asshole, always an asshole’ category.

When Bad Apples Are a State of Mind

I believe, however, that most of the time when we encounter someone behaving like an asshole, they’re exhibiting a state, not a trait.

Said another way: for most people, Bad Appleness depends on the situation.

Think about it for a second:

How many Bad Apples do you know that consistently act like an asshole across nearly all situations, places, and time?

Have you ever found out that a person you like and respect has had a positive experience with someone you thought was an asshole – or vice versa: that other people think your Good Apple friend is a jerk?

Have YOU ever infected a group with negativity or divisiveness?

My Name is Mary Beth, and I Have Been a Bad Apple

Photo Credit: !PnP (Creative Commons)

Let’s face it: it’s a helluva lot easier to see the Bad Apples around us.  But if most Bad Apple experiences are situational and not characterological, it means we all have the potential to be a Bad Apple at one time or another.

So here goes:  I have been a Bad Apple.  More than once.

Ouch.

In the interests of space, I’ll limit this confession to one particular incident.

When my marriage was imploding (and along with it my identity and self-image), I was filled with fear, anxiety, anger, and sadness, to name a few.  I had severe insomnia and was neither eating healthy nor exercising.  I was under a lot of pressure at work, with some very high-stakes projects, long hours, and a new boss.

I was also a very Bad Apple.

I am not an asshole by nature.  If you’d only known me during this time, however, you’d have likely thought me one.

Learning from My Good Apple Gone Bad Experience

Photo Credit: Ed Yourdon, Creative Commons

Afterward, my Bad Apple behavior left me feeling sad, embarrassed, and ashamed.  Since I don’t like regrets, I knew that the only way to transform this was to learn something.

I had the perfect storm of Bad Apple Factors: stress, fear, and insecurity.  Instead of dealing with these, I fed them.

I didn’t ask for help.  I knew I felt awful, but I didn’t want people to know how intolerable my marriage had become, nor did I seek professional help.

I failed to pay attention to what must have been obviously glaring clues that I was at best unpleasant and at worst noxious to be around.

Last but certainly not least, I let negativity become a habit.  I saw only the worst in every situation – and told people all about it.  I quickly trained my brain to attend to what was wrong, rather than what was right, and it eagerly obliged.

It was only when I finally recognized that I needed some help – and got it (at work, from friends, and a fantastic therapist) that things shifted, until I gradually returned to my typically Good Apple state.

How NOT to Be a Bad Apple or One of the Spoiled Bunch

One of the best resources available. Seriously excellent.

If you’re worried you might be a characterological Bad Apple…

…Take the ARSE quiz to find out.  My guess is, however, that if you’re the least bit concerned, you’re probably not an asshole.  If you were, you wouldn’t care.  You might even be proud.  Yuck.

If you encounter a true asshole…

…Your best course of action is to limit your exposure and read Bob Sutton’s book ASAP.  You’ll need it.

I also can’t recommend Difficult Conversations, by Douglas Stone and colleagues more highly.  This book is a priceless resource for how to have difficult conversations with anyone, from your beloved family to a heinous boss.  It is fantastic.

If you want to avoid entering a Bad Apple state or becoming part of the spoiled bunch…

…Follow these four steps:

1. Awareness.  Simply being aware of the potential for being a Bad Apple or contaged by one is extremely important.  The start of a Bad Apple infection can be gradual or insidious, and it’s best caught early.
2. Empathy.  Before you rush to judgment, remember that we all have the potential to be a Bad Apple in a given situation or time.  That doesn’t mean you have to like or condone someone’s behavior, but if you rush to judgment, you lose the opportunity for understanding.
3. Reach Out.  If we come from the perspective that most Bad Apples aren’t that way by nature, we have a huge opportunity to prevent or stop the spoilage.  That Bad Apple down the hall may be struggling with a life crisis.  Or they may not be aware of their impact on others.  While there’s no guarantee that they’ll be receptive, isn’t it worth a try?
4. Take Responsibility.  While it’s nice if someone else reaches out, the fact is, we are all 100% responsible for our attitude and behavior.  Watch for signs of stress.  Notice people’s reactions to you.  Solicit feedback.  Get support.  Seek help when you need it.  And learn from this so you can stop it from happening again.

The best way to avoid getting a cold is to routinely wash your hands, and the best way to avoid spreading one is to cover your mouth when you sneeze (and then wash your hands).

The same goes for Bad Apple contagion.  You have the power to avoid being a Bad Apple by regularly monitoring your thoughts, attitudes, behaviors, and their impact.  You can stop the spread of one by making a conscious decision not to follow a negative leader.

Honey Crisps.  Yum…       Photo Credit: Muffit (Creative Commons)

A Parting Wish

May you and your bunch be Good Apples as much as possible – deliciously fresh, unspoiled, sweet Honey Crisps.

I’d love to hear your reactions and comments. 

How have you effectively handled Bad Apples?

Have you ever been one?  How did you turn it around?

 If you like this post, please share it using the buttons at the top.  The best compliment is a referral. 🙂

Sign up for my mailing list by scrolling below, so you never miss a post.

Thanks!